Episode 10 Stillbirth, Secondary Infertility, and What Grieving Moms Need
A gentle note before you press play 🤍
This episode includes an honest conversation about pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and miscarriage. If you're in a tender place right now, please take care of your heart first. You can skip this one, come back to it later, or listen with someone you love. We'll be here whenever you're ready.
My guest today is someone I talk to (or text, or send very long voice messages to) pretty much every day: Dianne, who runs all the marketing for Fertility Blooms and is one of the hardest-working, biggest-hearted people I know.
Dianne had no trouble getting pregnant with her son, Jake, or with her second pregnancy. Then, at 28 weeks, everything changed. In this episode, she shares the story of her daughter, Rachel: the instinct that something felt different, the appointments, the day she heard the words no mom ever expects to hear, and what came after. It's raw, it's honest, and she tells it with so much love for her girl.
We also talk about what grief really looks like when someone keeps smiling, and why saying Rachel's name still matters.
In this episode, we talk about:
Dianne's "dream" pregnancy with Jake
Trusting your intuition, and what it feels like to second-guess yourself in the middle of it
Her stillbirth experience, including what she wishes more people knew about the process
The kindness of one nurse, and how Rachel got her name
The things nobody warns you about afterward
What helped (and what really didn't) when people tried to comfort her: why "at least you have Jake" isn't the comfort people think it is
Grief in a marriage, and how she and her husband found their way back to being a team
A later miscarriage, a surprise T-shaped uterus diagnosis, and the decision to stop trying
Why wanting a sibling for your child is a valid kind of heartache
Mindset, choosing what to take from loss, and doing the scary things
Why I wanted you to hear this
So many women in our Fertility Fight Club community are walking through loss, secondary infertility, or the quiet "but you already have one" comments that make you feel like you can't be sad. If that's you, I want you to know your grief is real, it doesn't need to be explained, and you're not alone. And if someone you love is going through this, Dianne's best advice is simple: be there, say less, and follow their lead.
Connect with Dianne Ryder:
Follow on Instagram: @thesociallink.ca
More from The Fertility Fight Club:
Follow on Instagram: @fertilityblooms
Helpful Timestamps:
00:00 Dianne’s Infertility Story
05:32 1st & 2nd Pregnancy
12:39 Told No Heartbeat
21:06 Induction Begins
35:37 Holding Baby, Memory Box, and Photos
43:35 What Not to Say to Grieving Moms
50:26 Funeral Home and Cremation Costs
58:35 Trying Again and Miscarriage
01:02:21 Choosing to Stop Trying
01:07:08 Coping After Loss
01:08:21 Naming Rachel
01:13:05 Marriage After Stillbirth
01:17:34 Family Support And Misunderstanding
01:28:14 Living With Triggers And Anniversaries
01:31:19 Grief Poem And Farewell
